Ants are evil. There are a bunch of them in my house at this very moment. And you know what they're doing? They're conspiring. They're plotting to KILL! Maybe this is revenge for all the times I've squished them and run them over with my bike. Y'know, some of 'em have already tried to attack me. But I'm so much more powerful than all of them. And to show them this, I'll kill them all! And you can too, in your very own home! Here's a list of ways you can kill ants...
1. Squish em (duh... most obvious way).
2. Fry them with a magnifying glass. *sizzle* (recommended)
3. Burn them with a match or lighter.
4. Run them over with a bike, car, etc.
5. Flush em down the toilet.
6. Pour hot water over them.
7. Rip their legs off, and dissect them.
8. Half-kill them and watch them suffer.
9. Set fire to an anthill.
10. Drown them.
11. Raid (but hey, where's the fun in that?).
12. Put em in an air-tight container and watch em suffocate.
13. Stab em with a pin.
14. Hit em with a flyswatter
15. Drop books on em.
16. Put a bunch in a tic tac box, spray paint em white, and feed em to Erik.
17. Flick em with your finger.
18. Run over them with a remote control car/truck.
19. Throw em in the freezer.
20. Take a hose and blow em away.
21. Take a bunch of ants, put them in the sink, turn the water on, and scream "NIAGRA FALLS!!!".
22. Take a hammer and a nail, and nail em.
23. Put a bunch of ants in a tic tac box, and pour white glue in it.
24. Drown them in a bottle of Herbal Essences.
25. Feed em to Daniels lizards.
26. Switch them with Daniels mealworms, and get him to eat them.
27. Take a glue gun and glue them to the sidewalk.
28. Whack em with a golf club. ("FORE!!!")
29. Put them in a tic tac box and close the lid, and put it in the middle of the street.
30. Throw them into the fan.
31. Bake them into muffins.
32. If Daniel starts another radioactive muffin roast, throw them into the fire.
33. Set a stick on fire and burn the ant.
34. Take a torch and put it in the anthill.
35. Get an ant trap that blows fire at them when they walk in.
36. Hit em with a slingshot (if you have good aim).
37. Throw rocks at them.
38. Run an anthill over with your lawnmower, weedwhack it, and drown it with water.
39. Hit them with a supersoaker.
40. If the supersoaker runs out of water, pump it up with air and blast em.
41. Boil them in water.
42. Attach it to a matchstick rocket and launch it.
43. Staple gun! (Or stapler)
44. Half kill them then stick em on a hot light bulb.
45. Get Andrew to sit on them.
46. Stick em in your hard drive.
47. Throw them down the sewer.
48. Tape em to the sidewalk and see if they can get out.
49. Roll em up in tape.
50. Put them in a balloon then fill it with helium and let it go (or tie it to the string... or use superglue).
51. Bug zapper!!!
52. Show them to the ugly kid down the street.
53. Put them in a little paper boat and send them sailing down the river.
54. Put em in an envelope and mail it to someone.
55. Roast them over an open fire. (Yay! Campfire!)
56. Use voodoo magic to kill them.
57. Scare them to death by showing them Erik's face.
58. Tape them to a record, put the record in the record player, and...
59. Put them through your printer or scanner.
60. Drop them from the top floor of a very high building.
61. Stain them, they'll get all hard and crunchy and won't be able to move.
62. Put them in your blender (Be sure to clean it out before using it for food... I suggest discarding it).
63. Send them to the homicidal flower.
64. One word: Blowtorch
65. Tie them to a 100 ft. metal pole in the middle of a thunderstorm.
66. Put them in a marshmallow and roast it.
67. Put red and black ants in the same container and see who kills who
68. Put them in a wasps nest.
69. Make them food for your pet grasshopper.
70. Cook em in the microwave.
71. Staple them to paper.
72. Iron them.
73. Put them in Paquette's or Sueses coffee.
74. Sacrifice them to "Goldfish".
75. Drop them down the freezing craphole. (outhouse)
76. Drown them in ketchup.
77. Stick them in your next KFC mega meal, then call 1-555-I-EAT-KFC... ask for 'Phil'.
78. Get your cat to play with an ant and kill it.
79. Smash them with a ruler.
80. Get your evil science teacher to use them in evil science experiments.
81. Suck them up with a vacuum cleaner.
82. Roll them up with a tape measure.
83. Slap them with a newspaper.
84. Put them between two pages of a heavy book (like a dictionary or encyclopedia).
85. Tape them to your mouse ball and use it.
86. Feed them a radioactive muffin.
87. Squash them with a stick.
88. Colour on them.
89. Stick them to a page.
90. Wash them with windshield wipers.
91. Get a cow to stomp on them.
92. Get a cow to crap on them.
93. Get a cow to sit on them (see #45).
94. Get a blue truck, golf cart, semi-trailer, school bus, or ice cream truck to run over them.
95. Put them in an electric pencil sharpener and sharpen your pencil. --Ice cream Dude
96. Feed them atomic ice cream.
97. Squish them in a cd case.
98. Take a picture of them, enlarge it, and put it on a dartboard.
99. Drop a golf ball on them.
~100~. Drop them in juice, and let em drown in it.
